Do you remember when you were a kid and had a scary nightmare during the middle of the night?

If so, and if you were anything like me, didn’t you immediately head straight to your parents’ room so that you could jump into their bed and under the covers with them until you fell back asleep?

And while I’m sure that your parents weren’t IMMEDIATELY the happiest with you for waking them up during the middle of the night, once they finally realized what was happening, didn’t they make some room for you in the bed, knowing that making you feel safe at this exact moment was instinctively the way to make you less scared and go back to sleep?

Whether you can relate to this story in the slightest, the point is that when we’re in a state of terror over something unfamiliar, scary and/or incomprehensible, it’s completely natural to want to retreat to the familiar, the unsubstantial and the known, and if it’s a place filled with love, even better.

In other words, when you’re looking to get LESS SCARED about something, the last thing you want in that exact moment is to become even MORE SCARED about it.

The reason I bring this up is that I see many dog parents inflict pain and instill fear in their dog when their dog is exhibiting clear signs of fear about someone or something in their environment.

A common example is a reactive dog that barks at people, other dogs and/or unfamiliar things while you’re out on a walk.

One thing that I tell many of my clients is that a reactive barking dog is usually exhibiting that behavior due to fear.

Specifically, a reactive dog barks to create distance between them and the scary thing in their environment - their way of saying, “get away from me, I’m SERIOUSLY scary!”

That said, many dog parents don’t realize this, and in those moments, it’s not uncommon for some dog parents to react with embarrassment due to the barking, and to then implement some form of corrective action, such as leash jerking/popping, scolding, and in some instances, shocking their dog with a shock collar, to get their dog to stop barking.

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And while I can empathize with any dog parent that is just looking for any way to get their dog to stop barking in that moment, or to do whatever they can to try to prevent their dog from doing so in the future, the fact is that implementing those corrective actions in those moments are completely COUNTERPRODUCTIVE to achieving those goals.

The reason should be clear: when someone makes us MORE SCARED when we’re already scared, our fears become AMPLIFIED, and has the effect of making us even more fearful of those scary things in the future.

Let’s quickly go back to our example above about having a bad dream as a child and rushing into your parents’ room.

Imagine for a moment that when you jumped into your parents’ bed, that instead of them making room for you in their bed, they scolded you harshly for waking them up and told you to go back to your room IMMEDIATELY.

From your parents’ point of view, their actions may have allowed them to go back to sleep, but at what cost?

And from your point of view, isn’t returning to your room and back into your bed even more scary now?

(Of course, I’m not advocating that you allow your children into your bed every time they have a nightmare, but you should be aware that however you deal with this specific situation, you shouldn’t make them more scared during this time.)

Ours dog are EXACTLY the same.

So if you’re looking to start training your fearful and reactive dog, I invite you to remember that when your dog is obviously reacting due to fear, the best thing you can do in those situations is to lovingly remove your dog from those situations and to make them feel MORE SAFE and LESS SCARED.

Of course, this isn’t something you have to do forever, as there are many exercises such as THIS to get your dog gradually used to things that are scary to them.

But until then, always ask yourself, “are my actions making my dog more scared or less scared in situations that are scary for them?” And if your honest answer is, “more scared”, ask yourself whether it’s possible that your actions are contributing to the problem, instead of alleviating it.

Happy training!