One of the things I enjoy the most when walking around the neighborhood is observing the interactions of people and their dogs while out on their walks.

It’s such an interesting look into the relationships people have developed with their dogs, and the specific rules and consequences they have established and imposed on their dogs’ behavior, not too dissimilar from seeing new parents and their children interact in public.

Permissive Dog Parents

For example, some dog parents are quite accommodating of their dog’s wants and desires, and as a result, permit them to do many of the following normal dog behaviors while out on walks:

• Digging

• Sniffing

• Chasing

• Running

• Fetching

• Playing

• Exploring

• Scent Marking

• Greeting

These dog parents will usually permit these behaviors by simply waiting for them while they do their thing, or by initiating play with them, all while using a variety of different equipment specifically-designed to make doing so easier, such as long and hands-free dog leashes, treats and treat pouches, harnesses, frisbees, balls and ball chuggers, flirt poles, etc.

Authoritarian Dog Parents

In contrast, some dog parents are quite strict with their dog, and will not allow their dog to do many of the normal dog behaviors listed above, potentially due to some pre-existing behavioral issues, but also because it might get in the way of the dog parent executing a well-timed, pre-planned and carefully-routed walk around the neighborhood, going so far as to completely disallow them to leave their side while out on walks to sniff a bush, to greet another dog, or to chase after a squirrel up a tree, etc.

Of course, most dog parents will find themselves somewhere in between these two extremes, and will allow their dog to explore and play more when the weather is more pleasant, or when their mood or schedule is more agreeable to longer and more action-packed walks around the neighborhood.

Take a moment to assess the kind of dog parent you think you are along this spectrum, and ask yourself how intentional that decision was, particularly in comparison to the dog parent you initially set out, or hoped, to be.

How You See Your Dog

In my experience, a significant predictor of the kind of dog parent you wound up becoming is how you see your dog.

If, for example, you see your dog as an inflexible extensions of your needs, whims, wants and desires, it’s easy to understand how if your dog wants to do any of the behaviors above (for any reason) that conflict with your needs or wants in those moments, you can interpret it as a form of disobedience, or a challenge to your authority, and as a result, lead to you forbidding your dog from, or punishing them for, exhibiting those behaviors altogether.

Furthermore, seeing your dog in this way not only affects what you’ll allow (or not allow) your dog to do, but it can affect the way you FEEL about your dog.

Specifically, when you view your dog through the lens of whether their behavior is in line, or in conflict, with your authority, it’s easy to feel frustrated, angry, and embarrassed in those moments when they “disobey” you, and to view your dog as the direct cause of those feelings, which only serves to build resentment towards your dog over time.

On the other hand, if you see your dog as an independent, excitable, fun-loving and endlessly-curious life companion, you can interpret their behaviors as a natural expression of those qualities, and as a result, lead to you looking for creative ways to enable and support the fullest expression of those behaviors, much like how a parent might look for constructive outlets for a hyperactive child.

And similarly, when you view your dog through the lens of them simply wanting to fully experience your world with you, it’s easier to feel amusement, joy and humor in those moments when they exhibit those behaviors, and to view your dog with a greater level of emotional detachment, which can free you from the belief that all of their behaviors always requires some sort of automatic emotional response, value judgment, or corrective action.

My point is, it’s entirely possible to view the EXACT SAME BEHAVIORS from your dog and to feel COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY about them depending on how you see your dog.

How You See Yourself

Another significant predictor of the kind of dog parent you wound up becoming is how you see yourself.

If, for example, you view yourself predominantly as a strict disciplinarian, then you’ll find yourself judging whether your dog is being a “good dog”, and whether you’re being a “good dog parent”, by their strict adherence to your rules.

In contrast, if you view yourself predominantly as your dog’s caretaker, guardian and steward, then you’ll find yourself judging your dog, and yourself, by how confident your dog grows up to be, and how much of an engaging, fun and full life they are able to live due to your guidance and support.

Reexamining Your Parenting Style

At the beginning of the blog post, I asked you how intentional your decision was to be the dog parent you currently are, in comparison to the dog parent you initially set out, or hoped, to be.

And the reason I asked is because I think it’s important to reevaluate, at least for a moment, whether your parenting style is enabling (or preventing) the kind of life that you initially promised to give your dog.

Because, at the end of the day, if you don’t consistently STRIVE to give your dog the things that you know he/she wants, don’t be surprised when you find that you dog doesn’t STRIVE to give you what you want, either.

For more information about parenting styles, check out our conversation below with pediatric psychologist, parent coach and the owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology, PLLC., Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart on the Family Pupz Podcast!

Happy training!